2008 at 6:22 pm | by Kristin Chesemore
Filed under
Marriage
“She does HIM good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12
The object of this wife’s active do-gooding is her husband.
Obviously the Proverbs 31 woman does good to many people—her children, her servants, the poor and needy, the business community. But it seems clear from verse 12—and many other places in Scripture—that the primary priority of the virtuous woman is to do her husband good. He is to be the number one recipient of her efforts and energy.
It’s easy for us as women to get busy trying to do a lot of good for a lot of people—our children, the church, the community. But if we don’t make doing good to our husband our highest priority, or if doing good to others hinders or significantly limits the good we can do our husband, we are not an authentic replica of the Proverbs 31 woman.
Now, I’m not trying to add to your to-do list. Actually, this truth helps to simplify my life. When I put my husband as the first priority (after my relationship with God, of course) it helps me determine what else is important and what is not.
Sad to say, I don’t always do this. Sometimes I am quick to meet my kid’s needs or to agree to do a favor for a friend without considering whether or not it would serve my husband. Serving my children and those in the church is right and important—as we see in the example of the Proverbs 31 woman. But I must remember that I am uniquely gifted and called to do good to my husband first.
Charles Spurgeon describes the excellent wife: “She asks not how her behavior may please a stranger, or how another’s judgment may approve her conduct; let her beloved be content and she is glad.”
I want God’s help to continue to make Brian’s good my first and glad priority.
2008 at 4:52 pm | by Nicole Whitacre
Filed under
Marriage
“She DOES him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:12)
The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of action. She isn’t simply a well-wisher of her husband’s happiness; she’s a doer of good to him. She brings him good, it says in the NIV. She delivers and supplies good to him. She does it.
It doesn’t say whether or not she feels like doing her husband good. In fact, feelings don’t enter into the matter. Not that feelings are irrelevant—if we lack desire to do our husband good, this needs to be investigated. Maybe bitterness has corroded our desire, laziness has dampened it, or busyness and selfishness have stifled it. If so, we must repent from sin and ask God to revive in our hearts a desire to do good to our husband.
But we must not wait for some lovey-dovey feeling or just the right time to do him good. Instead, as a step of repentance, we must act for our husband’s good. This not only proves our desire for his happiness, but will fuel it as well.
“The…conclusive evidence of our wishing or willing to do good to another” wrote Jonathan Edwards, “is, to do it.” He goes on: “In every case nothing can be plainer, than that the proper and conclusive evidence of the will, is the act…for whatever we truly desire, we do thus seek.”
If we truly desire our husband’s good, we’ll make specific efforts toward his happiness. We will not simply love him in word or tongue, “but in deed and truth” (1 John 3:18-19).
Maybe, like me, you are full of good intentions and resolutions but often come up empty on action. That’s when a plan can be helpful. Take a few minutes to think about your husband and ask yourself: “What is one way I can do him good and how can I make it happen?”
May God, the source of all good, help us grow in doing good to our husband.
Yesterday at my church we watched the first of three videos that comprise this year’s Sovereign Grace Ministries mission presentation. Even if you are not a member of a Sovereign Grace church, I think you will be excited to see how the gospel is going forth in Germany and Ethiopia. The trailer is below, and you can watch the first two parts at the Sovereign Grace website:
Also, our friend Carolyn McCulley (she’s a busy lady these days!) has a short video promoting her new book, Radical Womanhood. It’s a fascinating look at the history of feminism and how it affects the world we live in today.
So grab some popcorn and check out these inspiring videos. I guarantee they beat anything you could find on tv tonight!
(More husband-talk tomorrow…)
UPDATE: the link to the Radical Womanhood video has been added…you can watch it here.
My friend, Kristen, sent me this story soon after MJ was born. Perfect for Friday Funnies!
Have a super weekend, MJ’s Mommy for the Girltalkers
My little sister Shannon (7) just loves babies. I know most little girls do, but she seems particularly fascinated with them. Whenever someone we know has a baby she wants to go on their blog and see pictures. One day a few months back I was looking at Janelle’s flickr and Shannon saw some pictures of Caly. She knew that “Mrs. B” was having another baby thanks to Summer Celebration. She was talking about Caly and how Caly was going to be a big sister, etc, etc. I was in the middle of doing something else so I was sort of half listening and agreeing “Uh huh. Yup. She is. Yeah.” It got quiet for little bit and then she asked “Kristen, what does NP stand for?” I assumed someone on flickr had used the common slang and she saw it. “It means ‘no problem.’” I told her. Her face got all scrunched up “What??? It means ‘no problem’? Huh?” I assured it did mean “no problem.” And she goes “So Mrs. B is naming her baby No Problem? No Problem B?” I guess that all the acronyms confused her and she mixed up MJ with “np.” Letters are so confusing hahaha Poor little thing! It’s rough to be 7 in 2008!
2008 at 4:57 pm | by Janelle Bradshaw
Filed under
Marriage
We’re not only gifted to do our husbands good. Scripture makes it our responsibility as well. Just check out Genesis 2:18 and Proverbs 31:12 for starters.
Charles Bridges describes this wifely disposition:
“Her husband’s comfort is her interest and her rest. To live for him is her highest happiness. This course of disinterested regard and devoted affection when conducted on Christian principles, commends most graciously the ‘holy and honourable estate of matrimony.’…No greater glory could be desired, than that which is given to it, that it should illustrate ‘the great mystery,’ – ‘Christ and his church,’ the identity of interest between them; her trials his; his cause hers.” Devotion to our husbands’ comfort goes against our culture’s idea of marriage, not to mention our own selfishness. But doing our husbands good is of great importance because it mirrors one half of that “identity of interest between Christ and the church.” (And yes, there’s another half for the guys, but that’s not our topic for today!)
We are to do our husbands good: not only for their sakes or to get something from them in return, but because we love our Savior. This responsibility is an honor because it is ultimately for Christ. And we can have confidence that God Himself will bless us as we seek to do our husbands good.
He’s the one, after all, who transforms our motives from “I do me good” to “I do him good.” If it weren’t for God’s grace at work in our hearts, the only “good” we would do our husbands wouldn’t be good at all, but rather manipulation dressed up as goodness. He’s the one who gives us the desire and he will help us persevere in doing our husbands good.
We interrupt our series to let you know that the True Woman ‘08 conference begins tonight in Chicago. It is the vision of author and speaker Nancy Leigh DeMoss and also features speakers such as John Piper, Joni Earekson Tada, and our dear friend Carolyn McCulley (yeah!).
The vision of this conference is to help women:
Discover and embrace God’s created design and mission for their lives
Reflect the beauty and heart of Christ to their world
Intentionally pass on the baton of Truth to the next generation
Pray earnestly for an outpouring of God’s Spirit in their families, churches, nation, and world
For those of us who weren’t able to make it to the conference this weekend, we can watch live or follow along on their blog.
2008 at 6:10 pm | by Kristin Chesemore
Filed under
Marriage
“SHE does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Prov. 31:12
For the next few days we’re going to consider this verse, drawing in part from a message given by Nicole.
First, take a look—Who is the one designed and appointed to bring my husband good? It’s none other then me! Many people may be a blessing to my husband, but as his wife, I have been created, fashioned and designed to be the most effective at bringing my husband good.”
We learn this in the first pages of our Bible. Gen. 2:18 says “Then the Lord said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’” (emphasis mine).
What was not good? For the man to be alone.
What was good? For the man to have a helper, his wife.
Each of us, no less than Eve, was carefully fashioned, down to the last detail, to be a helper “fit” for our husband. We have a unique ability to do him good. The strengths, talents and gifts that God has given to us are the perfect combination to complement him.
I am sometimes tempted to sinfully compare myself to other women who I think are more beautiful, gifted, creative, or competent than me. But no other person, no matter how gifted they are, could fill my role as Brian’s wife better than I can. I have been carefully fashioned by my Creator to serve my husband.
The truth that God has made me a helper fit for my husband fills me with faith for my role. It also excites me to do him all the good that I possibly can!
“She [that’s me!] does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
2008 at 3:56 pm | by Carolyn Mahaney
Filed under
Marriage
“She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” (Prov. 31:12)
As we study a topic like “doing your husband good,” I think of the women I know who are in difficult marriages. Maybe you are one of them. Maybe your husband has sinned against God and against you in significant ways and yet remains unrepentant. Your seemingly senseless situation poses the question: “How can God expect me to do good to my husband?”
For the answer, we must view such circumstances in light of the cross, where God the Father sacrificed His only Son. This event did not seem to make sense either. But out of Christ’s unspeakable suffering, God, in His perfect wisdom, provided salvation for mankind. If He has purchased our salvation through the suffering and sacrifice of His Son, can we not trust that He is working good in the midst of our suffering (Rom. 8:28)?
If you are in an exceptionally trying situation with your husband, I encourage you to pour out your heart to the Lord of love. He knows, He sees, and He hears; and though your tears may be lost on your husband, they are not lost on your heavenly Father. He is the compassionate Lord who urges us to draw near to Him so “that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb 4:16).
Although you may not understand, you can be sure your marriage has God’s loving inscription upon it. God’s unerring wisdom has ordained your relationship with your husband—for your good and for Christ’s glory. Look to God for strength to endure, for the Lord promises that He will husband you (Isa. 54:5-6). God will renew your strength so you will not grow weary in doing good to your husband.
And you do not know what the Lord has planned for your future. Your doing good to your husband could be the very means God uses to soften his heart toward you and toward Himself.
I hope that as we continue this little series you will be encouraged to persevere in doing your husband good, for the glory of God, and in the strength that He provides.
2008 at 4:46 pm | by Nicole Whitacre
Filed under
Marriage
“She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12).
We want to examine one aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman’s portrait: her role as a wife.
“Doing Your Husband Good” wouldn’t play well on the cover of a woman’s magazine these days. In the aftermath of the feminist movement, motherhood has made a comeback, and even domesticity has regained popularity, but the role of a wife as portrayed in the Bible remains repulsive.
As Christian women we can sometimes resemble our culture’s portrait of the worthy woman more than Scripture’s. Motherhood can consume us, the home is an endless cycle of chores, and then we try to carve out some time for ourselves—our own hobbies and interests. There can be little time or energy left to do our husbands good.
But our role as a wife is to be our highest priority, our first concern. Our husband should come before the kids, before the house, and yes, even before our own hobbies and pursuits.
Scripture makes this abundantly clear, as Mom points out in Feminine Appeal. She cites Genesis 2:18 where we read that the woman was created to be her husband’s helper; then 1 Cor 11:9 where Paul writes that man was not created for woman, but woman for man. In Titus 2 we find that “the list of instructions for the younger women begins and ends with their relationship to their husbands.”
What does this look like, especially for those in difficult marriages? Mom weighs in tomorrow.
2008 at 4:03 pm | by Nicole Whitacre
Filed under
Marriage
She’s the woman we love to hate: the Proverbs 31 woman.
For one thing, she never seems to sleep: “she rises while it is yet night” and “her lamp does not go out at night.” Her family always has clean laundry (folded and put away in drawers, no doubt)—they are clothed in fine linen and purple, the best materials available.
This woman manages her household with skill and wisdom. On the side she is able to turn a profit in business ventures for the good of her family. In her spare time she cares for the poor.
She’s strong; she’s wise; she’s godly. And she’s intimidating.
For that reason, we sometimes avoid the Proverbs 31 woman. If we were at a party with characters from the Bible, most of us would probably rather hang out with some of the more “flawed” women: Sarah who laughed at God’s promises, or Rebekah who was deceptive, or Martha who was rebuked by our Lord.
It’s an ugly quality in us as women: we sometimes take delight in other women’s weaknesses and avoid those we think are better than us in some way. And who is more perfect than the Proverbs 31 woman?
But God himself has commissioned what Charles Bridges calls this “full-length portrait of the virtuous woman.” We are not to shy away from her in pride because we feel we can’t attain to all her virtues. Rather, we are to humbly admit that while we fall far short of her example, God has called us to learn from her.
The Proverbs 31 woman is not meant to discourage us, but to inspire and encourage us. God desires to make us more like this godly woman. Just as he gives us grace to fulfill all of His commands, so He has provided power to help us resemble this lovely portrait. So let’s take a closer look.
