girltalk Blog
2008 at 2:11 pm | by Janelle Bradshaw
Filed under
Motherhood
I am now officially two days overdue. My two cousins, who were due AFTER me, have both had their babies. (Congrats, Kel and Joy! I’m not at all upset that you didn’t wait to go in the proper order. Love you both and can’t wait to meet those little guys.)
They hooked me up to all the fun monitors at yesterday’s visit to the doc…baby looks great and I was contracting very little. Doc still thinks I could go any day, but I’m doubtful. Caly is beginning to lack faith in my continual reminders that “baby MJ will be here soon.”
But she will be here soon. In God’s perfect timing. And until that time, I will continue to enjoy getting things done (something that is about to change big time as I enter the two-kid world) and eating peach pie for breakfast!
Thank you, thank you, thank you to all those that have been communicating your love through your prayers and encouragement. I really cannot express how your care serves my soul as I prepare for labor. Y’all are a gift to me from the Lord.
Next doctor’s visit is Thursday. I will post if anything happens in the mean time…
2008 at 4:05 pm | by Nicole Whitacre
Today we want to come back to and wrap up our little series on training young homemakers. As moms trying to teach our daughters to love the home, we can often feel alone and helpless. On one side is our culture, trumpeting the feminist message, and it has technology, media, and star-power on its team. And then there is Mom. Just Mom. How can we possibly compete?
We must remember that we have the Holy Spirit. He is eager to help us, and He is more than able to move our daughter’s hearts to love the perfect ways of God.
This story, from a young woman named Kristin, is a reminder to trust in His power to change a heart deceived by feminist ideology. It is also a story to share with your daughter—an illustration of the destructive ends of feminism for women and families and the contrasting joy and peace of following in God’s plan.
Kristin, thank you for sharing your testimony with us.
A few years ago I was far away from learning about how to serve my pastor-in-training husband. I grew up in a non-Christian home. In high school, I was saved into a liberal church, where there was no discipleship, and our associate pastor was a woman. At home, I was not taught to pursue being a godly wife and mother—my parents were very ‘hands-off’ in their parenting. The mood that was present in our home was influenced heavily by our culture and its prevalent feminism.
I attended a liberal Christian university in Orange County, south of LA. Meanwhile, my good friend from high school and the church I grew up in, Bobby, attended USC, where a friend invited him to John MacArthur’s church. As he began to be cherish the Bible and grow in hunger for a deeper understanding of the Word, I was influenced more by the un-godly culture of my university. I majored in Cultural Anthropology and, for a time, Women’s Studies. I was taught Evangelical Feminism. In one of my Women’s Studies classes my teachers attempted to destroy the arguments of Piper and Grudem found in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. At this time I became increasingly verbal in my assualt of homemakers, women who got married young, anyone who didn’t think women should be pastors, and on and on. Bobby, meanwhile, was learning to cherish the gospel, being taught solid theology and coming to love true manhood and womanhood under the wise instruction of Rick Holland at Grace Community Church. Whenever we would talk briefly to catch up on how we were, he would tell me I was being taught lies and God had different things to say about women’s roles and everything else that made me angry. Of course, I thought he was arrogant and strange and under the influence of some crazy legalists, which I told him. Needless to say, we did not talk that much. I do know he prayed for me.
I continued in this way for the first two years of school. Near the end of my sophomore year I was beginning to grow tired of always being angry and on my toes. I realized those around me where not exhibiting any fruits of the spirit, and that my feminist agenda was more important to me than glorifying God. The Lord began strongly convicting me through Scripture about my attitudes and beliefs. I had been attending a liberal church, and the Lord helped me grow in discernment as I realized we weren’t being taught much Scripture—it was more like the pastor’s ‘Thoughts on Life,’ which to my increasingly discerning mind began to seem more and more off-center from what the Bible seemed to be clearly saying.
The final break away from feminism was the summer after my sophomore year. I was interning for a non-profit that worked with low-income Hispanic communities, and I was living with a Mexican family. The father had committed adultery, and left the family two weeks before I got there. As I watched this woman and her children deal with the ramifications of their husband and father leaving, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Of course husband and fathers are important! Of course it is difficult for a woman to raise kids and work and go on her way without a husband! Simple truths, but they hit me like a ton of bricks.
I realized immediately that God spoke clearly in His Word about the role of fathers and mothers. I got Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood and read almost the whole thing. I realized I agreed with everything it said. This all took place in about a week. Clearly, the Lord had been working on me for awhile. I am so grateful he literally opened my heart and eyes on this issue, and that I was able to see and understand how wrong I had been, to repent, and submit myself to the Lord, His Word, and His loving and protective call for obedience to Scripture.
I immediately called Bobby and told him I had been wrong, that I now agreed with the Bible and that I knew I had been taught, believed and perpetrated false teachings. He was excited but appropriately skeptical. He sent me a list of books to read, solid books dealing with the gospel, Christ and the Christian life. As I read, I understood how my life needed an overhaul. I started looking for a new church, but it was hard for me to know where to look.
After a few months of trying to find a church, Bobby intervened and sent me a list of churches to visit. The second one I attended was a PCA church plant near my college. The second Sunday there, I joined a small group led by a couple in their thirties with three young kids. The wife, DeAna, became my first Titus 2 mentor. She was instrumental in my growth and a huge encouragement and practical help. After attending church there for a couple months, Bobby asked me to court. In our first conversation he clearly told me he wanted to be a pastor, that he was going to have to go to seminary, that we would probably be poor, and that he wasn’t sure where we would end up serving. He also made it clear that if our courtship worked, we would get married as soon as we could. If I didn’t want that, we would stop the courtship immediately. I of course was fine with it…a far cry away from the venom I had spewed at him only a year and a half before. We got engaged in six weeks and married as soon as I finished school in December. We just moved to DC and I am excited to be a wife and mother. The Lord’s grace is evident over our story, and I am humbled every time I think of where I have been and where I am now.
Praise the Lord for the kindness he has shown us in Christ, and in all other lesser blessings!
Kristin
Thanks to Deitra for a good chuckle over this one…
See you Monday unless MJ decides to come this weekend,
Nicole for the girls
2008 at 4:37 pm | by Nicole Whitacre
Filed under
Singleness
It’s been great to hear from our single friends in response to yesterday’s post. Your desire to honor God and love the home in the season God has placed you is so commendable. You stand out in stark and beautiful contrast to the selfish vision of womanhood in our culture. Your humble obedience to God brings honor to his name.
But it’s not always easy. As a single woman there are many questions you must wrestle with—How do I reconcile my desire to work in the home with the need to work a job to support myself? How do I prepare for my future when I don’t know what that future will be? What does it look like to love the home and display femininity in my life? What if I can’t afford a home of my own? and many more.
While I can’t answer all these questions, I want to encourage you that God is eager to give you clarity. As JI Packer reminds us: “If you ask, ‘Why is this or that happening?’ no light may come, for ‘the secret things belong to the Lord our God (Deuteronomy 29:29); but if you ask, ‘How am I to serve and glorify God here and now, where I am?’ there will always be an answer” (The Lord’s Prayer, p. 14).
Take time, in prayer, to ask God how you can glorify Him as a woman, and in the home, here and now. And make use of the wisdom he has provided through others such as a pastor or a godly Christian friend. If you haven’t yet read Carolyn McCulley’s book or blog, then start today! I have personally been blessed by Carolyn’s peerless hospitality and I’ve watched her express her femininity in countless ways as she relates to children, bosses and men in the church—and I can’t recommend her writings enough!
Finally consider taking a personal retreat where you consider the wisdom you’ve received and map out a strategy for the season God has placed you in. He is eager to fill you with faith and joy and to show you the way you should go.
2008 at 4:58 pm | by Nicole Whitacre
Stephanie, a young single woman, wrote in with a question:
I’ve been enjoying the current Homemaking series, but at the same time it makes me even more aware of the desires of my heart to be a wife and mom. Well—I’m almost 24 and there certainly isn’t any man on the horizon, as far as I can tell! I currently live at home with my family and I’ve just been asking God exactly WHAT He has planned for my future! I honestly don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get married—being a stay-at-home mom is all I’ve ever really desired to do as a “career”!
So do you have any encouragement for the single woman who desires to be a wife and mom, but…is not? My heart is so heavy and I could use some encouragement!
Stephanie, although your heart is heavy, I do believe that truth from God’s Word can make your heart glad.
First of all remember that God has not forgotten you (Is. 44:21). He has ordained every single day of your singleness before one of them came to be (Ps. 139:16). You are not on hold or waiting in the wings of femininity. God has created you a woman and He has good works for you to walk in today (Eph 2:10) by expressing your femininity.
“Trust in the Lord, and do good” the Psalmist exhorts us. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:3-4). Of course we know this is not a promise that He will bring you a husband. But we do know for sure that “no good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Ps. 84:11). If a husband is good for you, He will bring you a husband, in His good time. You don’t have a husband today because that is not good for you today. What you have today is better. It’s true even if it doesn’t feel like it. And it’s exciting!
But God wants you to delight in Him and in His good and perfect ways—which include a love for home and family. So don’t abandon your love for the home simply because you don’t have your own home yet. Your desires to be a helper, to nurture children, to care for a home are God-given and should be cultivated, not squashed. And you should continue to improve your skills in these areas, not put them on hold.
Listen to one single woman’s perspective:
“To be single is not to forego the traditional ‘womanly’ pursuits. Whether you live alone or with a husband and children, a house or apartment is still a home that requires “homemaking.” And marital status has nothing to do with the desire for warm, comfortable, aesthetically pleasing surroundings. God gave each of us a desire for beauty; it is part of our desire for him, who is loveliness incarnate. Why should a single woman reject that part of her image as a creature of God? . . . I am a better and more imaginative cook now than I was five years ago. I am free to experiment on myself and my friends. I have the time and the money to entertain people around the dinner table, something I might not want or be able to do if I cooked for a family three times a day every day” (Cheryl Forbes qtd. in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by John Piper and Wayne Grudem, xxvii).
There is so much more I could say in response to your question, but I pray you are encouraged to trust in God and inspired to make it your aim to be an even “better and more imaginative” homemaker next year than you are now.
2008 at 7:05 pm | by Janelle Bradshaw
Filed under
Motherhood
Just returned from the doc. How do they know when I’ve eaten a lot?? Somehow my big lunch topped off with some Cold Stone Creamery was obvious to them. Oh, but it was so worth it. My local Cold Stone has this new flavor called Blueberry Muffin Batter. I mixed in some rainbow sprinkles to make it perfect.
Today’s report was similar to last week. I’m definitely past the 3 cm. mark but not quite 4. No change in effacement. Due date is Sunday so we talked options. I love my doc cuz she wants to do everything possible to avoid a c-section this time around. As long as MJ and I continue to be healthy than she will give me up to two weeks past my due date before talking other options.
Honestly, I’m content to wait. I feel pretty uncomfy, but you won’t catch me sitting on top of my washing machine or running a marathon in an attempt to speed things along. This girl will come when she is good and ready and I have plenty to keep me busy in the mean time.
Oh, and if you don’t like the sound of Blueberry Muffin Batter then I would highly recommend Chocolate Cake Batter.
2008 at 3:54 pm | by Kristin Chesemore
Mom taught us all she knew about managing a home, but aware of her own limitations, she also positioned us to learn from others. Where she saw gaps in her own gifting or skills, she sought out other women to help fill them in for us.
For example, Mom can sew a button, but she can’t make a dress or even an apron. So she asked a gifted lady in the church to give Nicole and me sewing lessons. She also enrolled us in several domestic classes offered through the county. These were fun memories! We especially loved the cooking classes where we collected recipes that are still family favorites (Minestrone Soup by a real Italian! Mmmmm…..).
Some of the classes also revealed ways in which I was not gifted. I’m thinking of the bow-making class here. A very nice lady did her best to teach us how to make beautiful bows to place on wrapped packages, but somehow mine never turned out! To this day, I have my sisters tie all the bows on my Christmas gifts (or put them in those handy gift bags with tissue paper!) and they teasingly ask, “weren’t you the one who took the bow-making class?”
But some of the homemaking lessons did stick (unlike my bows!)—in particular, I found a love of cooking through the classes that we took. I’m no gourmet, but was inspired by the skilled women I learned from.
The point is that by enlisting the help of others in your daughter’s homemaking training you can shore up areas where you are weak and help her see where she might need help as well. But more positively, training from others can reveal strengths you didn’t know she had, and most of all you can make a lot of fun memories!
2008 at 5:11 pm | by Kristin Chesemore
So, after monitoring our daughter’s hearts and prioritizing time in the home, we need to train them in all the nitty-gritty daily tasks of homemaking.
I’ll offer one or two simple suggestions from what my mom did with my two sisters and me (since I don’t have girls of my own!). I’m sure there are many more creative ideas out there, but I hope these will get you started….
First, Mom brought us into her day and taught us along the way. There are so many things we do as moms, probably without even thinking about it, that need to be learned: the cooking, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, caring for the children and the like. Mom took the time necessary to train us how to do each one of these tasks. She showed us how to separate the darks from the lights and remove stains from the clothes, how to put a meal together so everything is ready at the same time, and how to care for our little brother. She encouraged us be in the kitchen trying new recipes. She involved us (ok, required is probably more the idea here!) in cleaning the house. We all scrubbed the floors together and had our area of the bathroom to clean.
When I was older, my mom even had me practice managing the home on my own. For a few weeks I was in charge of the meal planning and the cooking and the shopping and the laundry. It’s one thing to know how to complete these tasks and quite another to keep them all going at the same time!
Now I know what you may be thinking (at least it’s what I’m thinking as I imagine my boys helping me around the house!): It’s easier to do it myself! Not only easier, it’s more effective and takes far less time! This may be the case, but can I encourage you to take the time and make the sacrifices necessary to train your daughter? It may be more work in the short term but it is an investment well worth making.
More thoughts tomorrow….
Chrystal, a friend from church, sent me today’s Friday Funny. She received an email from a co-worker with this picture and a note:
“So there I was . . . just relaxing in front of the T.V. when the kids yelled, ‘Hey Mom, come see the kittens.’ Better stock up on lots of tomato juice. 
”
See you Monday unless Janelle goes into labor this weekend.
Nicole for the girls
2008 at 3:39 pm | by Kristin Chesemore
Filed under
Homemaking
How do we train daughters to be future homemakers? Let’s get practical. For starters, I’d like to suggest that we train them to love the home by having them spend time in the home. Sounds pretty obvious, right? It may be, but in the culture we live in, this doesn’t happen without being intentional. There are so many wonderful opportunities for young women just outside their doorstep. Without intentional planning they can easily fill up their calendar with outside activities and have very little time left over to spend with family and develop skills in the home.
As my sisters and I were growing up, my mom kept a close watch on our activities outside the home. Now don’t misunderstand—we did plenty of stuff outside the home! We went to school, worked jobs, hung out with friends, served in the church and community. We were busy girls and Mom was a busy chauffer! But she was careful not to allow these good activities to take up all of our time. She made sure the home was not only a priority in our hearts but in practice as well.
For starters, family nights once a week were a non-negotiable. Faithful attendance at family dinner was a priority as well. We also had regular chores and responsibilities, time with Dad and Mom and our siblings, times of homemaking training, and other important activities such as reading or learning a craft or skill. Mom even helped us carve out time for simply being at home—no agenda necessary, just being there. There were also seasons when we would work part time, take a lighter load at school, pull back from various activities to focus our attention more exclusively on home pursuits. Looking back, these times are some of my most precious memories as a young woman.
The world that is opening up to a young woman is full of exciting opportunities and adventures—many of them very good. But homemaking isn’t always exciting, and it’s almost always in secret. If a young woman hasn’t learned to labor faithfully, behind the scenes, day in and day out, marriage and motherhood is going to be a rude awakening.
If Mom said it once, she said it a thousand times: You can’t learn to love the home if you’re not in the home, and you’re not going to automatically love the home as a wife and mother if you don’t start with the home and family God has given you now.
Thanks Mom, for home time. I love it more than ever now!
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