girltalk Blog
Today marks five years that Steve and I have been married. Throughout this week we have been reliving these past five years and marveling at the grace of God through many significant changes, challenges, and most of all—joys. By His grace, we love each other more today than we did five years ago.
Each year on our anniversary, I write Steve a letter, and he writes me a poem. On this special day I want to share one of them with you. Steve wrote this poem, “Eclipse,” for our anniversary two years ago, in September of 2003. But first, a little background.
In February of 2003, our son Jack was born via c-section. However, five days after his birth I was readmitted to the hospital in severe pain. After emergency surgery, it was determined that my colon had ruptured, a life-threatening development if not corrected in time.
I spent the following days in and out of the hospital, fighting off a serious infection and dealing with various unexplained complications. By June of that year I was healthy enough to have a second surgery to repair my colon. And by the time our third anniversary rolled around, I was finally beginning to feel “myself” again. The doctors still do not agree or fully understand what happened, but I am grateful to God to be alive today.
So will you indulge me for a moment? Steve—how can I thank you for your tender care: not only through this trial, but every day of our married life? Your humility, leadership, passionate love, and constant joy have made being married to you something better than I ever could have imagined. And so, I say again, “As you are mine, I am yours. I give away myself for you and dote upon the exchange.”
This poem was not originally written for public consumption. But I share it with you today to remind us all to be grateful for the loved ones God has given to us—whether spouse, parents, siblings, or friends. But most of all, to help us remember that no matter what trial we face, “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24)
ECLIPSE
Some emotions are so powerful they can only be expressed in metaphor.
For Nicole, on our 3rd Anniversary: September 16, 2003
A wedding, some rings, a marriage begun,
Bright were the rays of this rising Sun.
Days swept by, stars circled above
Found Earth and Sun growing in love.
A year gone by, one year became two
Sun warmer still and this love yet grew.
Two and a half years, barely the morning begun
Earth basking in the light of his love, his Sun.
The proof of their love soon came to be
A little Moon brought forth; the womb did flee.
Suddenly light flickers, and quickly it fades
Earth’s bright world thrust into gray shades.
The color is gone, only shapes remain
As Sun grows cold, her heat restrained.
This little Moon has begun his new orbit
But cannot replace, much as Earth loves it.
Moon, he shines, a wonder since birth
But grants not the same warmth to Earth.
The Sun, Earth’s love, the only source
To provide Earth’s heat in matter of course.
The eclipse - not total, yet still severe
Where has Sun gone? For her Earth peers.
What is happening? Earth questions, he wonders.
Will this bond be so quickly ripped asunder?
Will my Sun set premature?
Is Earth a lonely life meant to endure?
When will the day resume?
My light, my Sun, this flower, yet bloom?
This day together, is barely begun,
How can so quickly Earth lose his Sun?
Despair it beckons, and invites Earth to taste,
The bitter thought “this day is a waste.”
Anxiety calls, worry stands close
But finally Earth remembers what matters most
A closer companion than any other one,
The One who holds and keeps safe his Sun.
Stronger than Sun, and bigger than galaxy
He forms the bonds that hold safe Earth’s family.
He intervenes to end the eclipse,
The darkness recedes and loses its grip.
Until finally Earth’s Sun again burns bright,
And color and texture come back into sight.
Warm again, the chill darkness fled,
As Sun’s bright rays fall soft on Earth’s head.
Without Sun, Earth grows cold
And Moon shines not, it must be told.
But Sun is here, brighter than ever,
Yet to eclipse, Earth prays never.
And so Earth dances and Moon he laughs
At sight of Sun back on her path.
For now all is as should be,
My Sun has come back
To bring warmth to Me.
This Saturday, I’ve invited Mom to meet with a group of ladies who support their husbands in small-group leadership in our church, and who often lead ladies’ meetings on a consistent basis.
Mom, Nicole, Janelle and I have led various small groups of women through the years. As a result, we are always on the lookout for great questions to promote fellowship. The following are some questions we compiled recently. I’ll be handing these out on Saturday, but we thought that those of you who lead small groups might benefit as well. Hopefully these “starter questions” will serve to promote fellowship among the women that you lead.
- Share your conversion testimony.
- Describe your current practice of the spiritual disciplines.
- What is a passage of Scripture you have been meditating on recently?
- What fruit of the spirit are you cultivating?
- What sin are you seeking to weaken?
- How are you seeking to grow in expressing biblical femininity?
- Here is an evidence of grace that I observe in your life.
Happy fellowshipping!
Yesterday I wrote of the incredible blessing of a praying friend. But even more wonderful than a friend’s prayers on our behalf is the truth that our Savior is praying for us—today. Listen to what our favorite Mr. Spurgeon writes regarding the following verse:
“I have prayed for thee.” – Luke 22:32
“How encouraging is the thought of the Redeemer’s never-ceasing intercession for us. When we pray, He pleads for us; and when we are not praying, He is advocating our cause, and by His supplications shielding us from unseen dangers…. We little know what we owe to our Saviour’s prayers. When we reach the hill-tops of heaven, and look back upon all the way whereby the Lord our God hath led us, how we shall praise Him who, before the eternal throne, undid the mischief which Satan was doing upon earth. How shall we thank Him because He never held His peace, but day and night pointed to the wounds upon His hands, and carried our names upon His breasplate!”
—Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening
, page 23
A mother wrote to us with the following question:
“I have a 15 year old daughter who is a young woman trying to live by biblical principles. Do you have some advice for us regarding this stage of her life where she is very aware of young men and noticing their biblical qualities and character but also being in the season of still growing up, maturing, finishing school… that season of ‘marriage is in the future’? How can we help her guard her heart? Keep her emotions in check?”
As my mom always reminded my sisters and me: liking boys is normal! God made us to be attracted to the opposite sex. And as a young girl grows into womanhood, these desires will certainly become more pronounced.
And how wonderful that your daughter is attracted to godly character in young men and not simply enamored with outward appearance or personality. That is a sign that she has been trained by her parents to discern what is truly admirable in a man.
However, we also have the poetic and yet solemn warning from the Song of Solomon: “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (S of S 3:5, NIV), followed by the holy assumption in 1 Corinthians 7 that “the unmarried…woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit” (1 Cor. 7:34).
In the teenage years, the fact that God has created us as women to be attracted to men, and the biblical admonition to guard our hearts until the appropriate time, must remain in constant, healthy, tension. And your daughter will need your help to do this!
For starters, my mom initiated an ongoing conversation with my sisters and me about guys; consistently asking who we were attracted to and why. “Being attracted isn’t a sin,” she told us. “But indulging in thoughts about them, going out of your way to be around them, allowing them to distract from your pursuit of God and service of others is wrong.”
Purity was to be our constant pursuit; for Scripture exhorts us to “flee youthful passions” (2 Tim. 2:22). Through constant conversations about our hearts, helping us to avoid situations that would tempt us to impure thought or deed, and a steady diet of God’s Word on this topic, Mom and Dad were our greatest help in our quest for purity.
However, it wasn’t only about “fleeing passions.” Mom helped us to see that in addition to fighting for purity we must also be busy pursuing the things of God. Sitting around trying not to think about a guy will only have limited effectiveness; but a young girl who is busy serving Christ won’t have much time left to indulge her emotions. So let me encourage you to help your daughter find ways she can use her spiritual gifts, serving in the home and in the church.
Finally, until a young man had expressed an interest in us, Mom helped keep our feet firmly planted on the ground: “Think of him as someone else’s husband,” she would say. “You wouldn’t consider it appropriate to daydream or fantasize about a married man. And most likely, this guy you like will be married to another woman someday. Assume he is not going to be your husband unless he makes his intentions known.” And for your fifteen year old daughter, that time will probably be some years away.
There is so much more that could be said on this topic. I’ve barely even started, and this is already a long post. We cover purity and courtship in some detail in our book, Girl Talk. But in case you haven’t heard of them, I want to highly recommend Joshua Harris’ three books: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Boy Meets Girl, and Not Even a Hint.
I pray these few thoughts, but more importantly, these helpful resources, will serve you in helping your daughter walk the path of purity throughout her teenage years!
My very dear friend of thirty years sent me the following email before my husband and I left for Arkansas this past weekend to speak at The Bible Church of Little Rock:
Please know my friend that I will be lifting you up to the “throne of grace” all weekend! May these thoughts from Mr. Spurgeon encourage you as you go to serve the church in Arkansas!:
“Some of you are called to some extraordinary duty and do not feel strong enough. Follow that call, for surely the Lord is in that place. He will help you.”
“...and is it not true that our weakness holds God’s strength, and leads Him to bow His omnipotence to our rescue?” May you be aware of His divine assistance, presence, and pleasure.
Love you! Betsy
After this email a card arrived in our mailbox signed by all the pastors of our church which read: “We were interceding for you, today.” How kind of God to send us into a weekend, bolstered by the prayers, encouragement and support of such friends! And what a weekend it was! CJ and I were asked to speak ten messages—he six times and I four. This gives you an idea of this church’s love for God’s Word (not to mention their stamina!). We were overwhelmed by their attentiveness, responsiveness and encouragement. As an aside—I want to highly recommend that those who live in the Little Rock area visit this God-glorifying church. But most meaningful of all for CJ and me was the new friendships that were formed—starting with the Pastor, Lance Quinn and his wife, Beth. Though we were only with them for three short days, we felt as if we had always known them. This enjoyable and fruitful time, no doubt, was the result of the prayers of our friends back home. So the next time someone says to us, “I’m praying for you,” let’s make sure that we thank them for this unselfish act from which we derive immeasurable benefit. And let’s be inspired to faithfully pray for others. What a meaningful expression of friendship! Thank you, Betsy. Thank you, Pastors of Covenant Life Church.
2005 at 6:34 pm | by Janelle Bradshaw
Filed under
Homemaking
I’m having a blast decorating my little town house! I’m trying to get all of my crazy ideas out of my system—thus the traffic light hanging in my living room (yes, a real traffic light!).
One of my favorite ways to decorate is with pictures. I was at a friend’s house recently and I got a very interesting idea. In her living room there was a picture which spelled out her last name. Let me explain: the matte in her picture frame had seven openings for the seven letters of her last name. Each opening had a picture of something which resembled one of the letters from her last name. I loved it and wanted to try it. So I have hunted down what I think resemble the eight letters in “Bradshaw.” I’m in the process of getting it matted and framed.
This project was a lot of fun, and I wanted to throw it out there as an idea for y’all to try as well. (I’m sure there won’t be many takers on the traffic light in the living room.) Little kiddos may also enjoy participating in this, especially if they are in the midst of learning their alphabet. It was definitely a good refresher course for me in my ABC’s!
For a girl who prefers warm weather, I’ve really grown to love the early September days in Virginia. It’s still about eighty degrees at two o’clock in the afternoon, but the humidity is gone, and a cool breeze blows through and it’s—perfect. I think the weather in heaven is going to be something like this.
And just as the birds know that the cool breeze means it is time to leave their nests and fly to sunny Sarasota, Florida (at least, that’s where I would go if I was a bird), I instinctively know that the time has come for me to pull out the fall clothes. It’s very important to have those sweaters out of storage, ready to be donned at the first sign of frost.
I inspected my autumn wardrobe last night, and to be honest, it seemed a little sparse. So I gathered up the gift cards to the mall I’d been saving since spring and called the numbers on the back—only to discover there isn’t as much money remaining on those cards as I had thought (Where’d it go? Has Jack been using these cards without telling me?).
What was really going on here? When you get right down to it, I can be ungrateful and dissatisfied with certain aspects of my physical appearance. I forget that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God Himself. And instead, so easily, so subtly, I can turn to the fashion industry to hopefully compensate for my perceived lack of beauty.
It’s a good thing Mom called today. She and Dad are on their way home from Little Rock, Arkansas where they have been speaking at a weekend retreat. And one of the messages Mom shared with the women was entitled: “True Beauty.” Just the mention of this message was a reminder to me of the truth it contains. It’s one of my favorites.
In this message Mom tells of Elisabeth Elliot’s interaction with the missionary, Gladys Aylward. Miss Aylward too was dissatisfied with her physical appearance. But she made a wonderful discovery. Here’s what happened:
“[Gladys] told how when she was a child she had two great sorrows. One, that while all her friends had beautiful golden hair, hers was black. The other, that while her friends were still growing, she stopped. She was about four feet ten inches tall. But when at last she reached the country to which God had called her to be a missionary, she stood on the wharf in Shanghai and looked around at the people to whom he had called her.
‘Every single one of them,’ she said, ‘had black hair. And every single one of them had stopped growing when I did.’ And I said, ‘Lord God, You know what You’re doing!’”
Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House, 1976), 32.
Instead of grumbling because I don’t have the fall wardrobe I desire, I want to praise the God who made me, just the way I am. And while I’m still going to use the gift cards that God has graciously provided, I want to be more preoccupied with doing kingdom work, just like Miss Aylward.
This week’s winner comes to us from Angela Smith…
“Kaleb loves to sing; one day I overheard him singing these words(which he thought were the right words!) to the song “Father Abraham”...
Father Abraham had many sins
Many sins had Father Abraham
I am one of them and so are you
So let’s just praise the Lord!
After having a good laugh, I explained to him that we are the SONS of Abraham and not his sins!”
See ya Monday, everyone!
Feeling overwhelmed anyone? I’ve certainly felt that way more than once this week as I’ve started homeschooling my five-year old, tried to unpack the boxes in our bedroom, and prepared to leave for an out-of-town trip.
Lisa Donovan, a wonderful lady in our church, has compiled some thoughts on what to do when we feel overwhelmed. And she appropriately posted them in the nursing mom’s room at our church—a room she has wonderfully designed to be both refreshing and encouraging to moms with newborns.
But these verses and godly counsel will help anyone who is feeling overwhelmed… with schoolwork, job responsibilities, children, or unpacked boxes. I trust it will encourage you as it has encouraged me. You can download it by clicking here.
2005 at 6:22 pm | by Janelle Bradshaw
Filed under
Homemaking
Laundry ranks high among my least favorite chores. So I finally stopped and asked myself, “what is really so bad about laundry?” I mean, think about what laundry used to be like…The women had to lug all of their clothes to a river or a stream (fighting through wild animals and poison ivy), wash each article on a scrub board, and hang everything to dry. Or how about the women that used to boil huge pots of water in their kitchens? When I was growing up, my grandma didn’t have a dryer so after the clothes were done in the washer she had to hang everything out to dry. One rain storm and those clothes were goners. Contrast these situations with mine. The hamper starts to get full (or in my case, the clothes are falling out the sides) and I carry the clothes all the way down one whole flight of stairs. Next, I have to actually sort dark from light (don’t tell my mom, but I don’t always follow that rule). I pile everything into the washer, pour in soap, turn a few knobs and press start. If I don’t forget that I had a load in the washer (right now, I am just remembering that my load is still sitting in the washer from yesterday), I switch everything to the dryer. A couple of more buttons and I walk away. At some point, I find my way back to the dryer to fold. All of the clothes then must be taken back up that flight of stairs and smooshed into appropriate drawers. I’m done! No wild animals, no bad weather, no sweating over a pot of boiling water. Just a little bit of walking and even time for a nap in between loads. Doing laundry may not be so bad after all. I think that I just might run to my laundry room right now and switch that load in the washer over to the dryer.
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