girltalk Blog
Our current series on the Internet sparked a related question from one mom:
I am a full time stay at home mom to my one year old son. Over the last couple of months I find myself longing for my son’s nap time to come so that I can have some “me” time, either reading online, watching youtube, checking facebook or just wasting time on the net while sipping my cup of hot tea. I want to be a godly mother who sits on the floor reading books to my little one. I want to enjoy the little moments, singing songs to him, but most of the time I’d rather be getting the laundry folded, the dinner cooking or cleaning the house so that I can scratch another thing off my to-do list. Can you give me any advice? How can I change this attitude on a practical level, for I know God must first change my heart.
First, I want to encourage you for your humility. It is obvious you want to be a godly mother and I am confident God will give you grace—and is already giving you grace—to do so!
And let me say, I don’t know any mom with young children who doesn’t long for nap time to come! I know I sure did when my kids were little! There is nothing in God’s Word that says you should not desire rest. In fact, God has ordained rest. He himself rested on the seventh day.
And God created us to need rest. We moms are creatures. We have limitations. We get tired and we need rest. That’s the way God has created us to be. It is one of the ways he reminds us of our dependence upon him.
And as we’ve said all along in this series, it is not wrong to enjoy Facebook or read articles online. These can be wonderful ways to relax, stay in touch with friends and family, grow in our knowledge of God and the world etc..
But instead of “me” time, we as Christians should approach all our time—even our leisure time—as “God” time. Therefore we should rest to His glory, just as we work to His glory. And bringing our rest into this light helps us to evaluate it biblically:
Is the content of my restful activities God-glorifying? (1 Cor. 10:13, Col. 3:17)
Is the goal of my rest to be refreshed in order to better serve my family and others? (Matt. 20:26-28)
Is the time I spend on leisure activities appropriate or excessive (one way to tell is if essential things aren’t getting done!)? (Prov. 20:4)
As moms, if we bring our leisure time into the light of God’s Word we can enjoy it for His glory. This will not only protect us from excessive or idolatrous pursuit of restful activities, but it will also help us to enjoy the rest God provides, that we may be refreshed for service.
But you’re asking a great question which has sparked a few more thoughts, so I’ll pick up here tomorrow.
A New Project
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Single Blues in a Land of “I Do’s” - A good word for single women on how to glorify God at weddings. (HT: Mary Kassian)
A Widow’s Story: How Good He’s Been to Me - A good word for widowed women on God’s grace to you in grief.
Refnet Christian Radio - Many good words for all of us on this new Internet radio station—featuring teaching from R.C.Sproul, John Piper and more, news an analysis from World Magazine, and radio drama for children. I’m so excited about this!
6:56 p.m. Tori
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4:44 p.m.
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So how do we maintain a clear biblical vision of motherhood that helps us resist distraction? It’s simple really. We need to have a routine whereby we regularly return to God’s Word and to biblical resources on parenting.
I was at Janelle’s house a few weeks ago helping her to finish unpacking her bedroom. In the basket by her bed (amongst several bills, a cable to who knows what, an old cell phone or two, and an Agatha Christie novel that needs to be returned to my sister-in-law) were several books on motherhood as well as a few verses on note cards to encourage her in praying for and training her children. We de-cluttered the basket, but replaced the Bible, notecards, and books by her bed. Just having these resources with her quiet time stuff reminds Janelle to re-read them, even if its just for a few minutes here or there.
Given our selfish hearts, the ever-present online distractions, and the world’s misguided messages on motherhood, we can’t afford not to be regularly reminding ourselves of what our biblical mission is as mothers. I am not nearly as consistent at this as Janelle is, but when I am, I find myself growing in the fear of the Lord, dependence upon Him, and joy in motherhood. And once again, it focuses me on what’s important, so I’m less inclined to be distracted.
There are many great resources out there, both old and new. I return often to J.C. Ryle, Elisabeth Elliot, Tedd Tripp and my mom’s chapters in Feminine Appeal. Or you can listen to audio messages or collect articles and blog posts that serve you. The recent article we recommended by James Hamilton on A Biblical Theology of Motherhood is definitely one I’m going to re-read often. Reviewing verses on parenting from Proverbs, Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 5, Proverbs 31, Titus 2, or Psalm 128 all reorient my mothering God-ward.
Contrary to what some may think, routinely reviewing biblically grounded resources on motherhood should not lead to a legalistic, gospel-less existence, but instead drive us to the cross once again. For few things in my life reveals the depth of my sin and my need for a Savior, or the limitless riches of God’s grace, like being a mom. And focused on the cross (and not on my Facebook page) is where my eyes need to be.
4:33 p.m.
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To paraphrase the first magnificent answer of the Shorter Catechism: A mother’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever. And it is interesting to note, as J. I. Packer points out in his new book, Praying the Lord’s Prayer, that this doctrinal statement uses the word “‘end,’ not ‘ends,’ for the two activities [glorifying and enjoying God] are one.” Dr. Packer continues:
God’s chief end, purposed in all that he does, is his glory, and he has so made us that we find our own deepest fulfillment and highest joy in hallowing his name by praise, submission, and service.
Christians get so hung up with the pagan idea (very dishonoring to God, incidentally) that God’s will is always unpleasant, so that one is rather a martyr to be doing it, that they hardly at first notice how their experience verifies the truth that in Christian living duty and delight go together. But they do! And this will be even clearer in the life to come. To give oneself to hallowing God’s name as one’s life-task means that living, though never a joyride, will become increasingly a joy road. In other words, as we continue “lub-dubbing” along (I love that expression!) and learning contentment as mothers for the glory of God, caring for our children will increasingly become a joyful experience. That doesn’t mean it will be easy or a “joyride” as Dr. Packer says. But if our highest fulfillment is found in worshipping and obeying God, then motherhood will undoubtedly be a “joy road.” And if this is what God has called us to, then there is no other road we would rather be on. —from the archives
1:25 p.m.
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I once heard a woman—some time management expert I think—suggest that the reason some office workers check their email compulsively is because they don’t know what to do next. Without a clear understanding of the purpose of their job, what it takes to get it done, or, for that matter, much desire to finish it, the noise announcing a new email becomes a welcome interruption.
The same can be true for me as a mom. Without a clear understanding of what I’m called to do and why it is important, I head aimlessly into my mothering workday and end up wasting a lot of time. So much to do. Where in the world do I start? I have no idea. I guess I’ll check Facebook again.
Now this doesn’t mean that we aren’t good moms if we don’t wake up every morning with a clear sense of purpose and a prioritized list of tasks. Some days we need to simply put one foot in front of the other, even if we’ve lost sight of the end of the road. We have to choose to say “no” to distractions even when we can’t remember why it is important to do so.
But we must also labor to maintain a clear biblical vision of motherhood: to remember who it is who called us in the first place (God!), what He has called us to do (raise these children, created in His image, for His glory!), and how he has called us to do this (diligently, joyfully, relying on His grace).
The more we see the mercy of God in motherhood, the more we understand the honor and eternal significance of our calling, the more we grasp our solemn responsibility to bring our children up in the ways of the Lord, and the more we are joyfully compelled to glorify the Savior by giving our lives away for our little ones, the less likely we’ll be distracted by the cheap thrills of the Internet.
We’ll be so caught up in the difficult yet delightful duties of motherhood that the Siren song of our Facebook feed will simply fade away.
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