Recently, someone sent us yet another blonde joke (we hope for no other reason than it’s our hair color). This one struck me as particularly funny because I was a secretary once upon a time before I married C.J. You can watch it here.
Enjoy your weekend!
Carolyn
for Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle
“So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up to salvation—if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good….Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul (1 Peter 2:1-3, 11; emphasis mine).
Yesterday, Nicole helped us take a good hard look at the sin of envy in our hearts. Today, I want to encourage us to do battle against this “passion of the flesh.” As I Peter 2:11 tells us, envy is already waging war against our soul—the question is whether or not we are going to fight back!
Here is a simple (not easy mind you) yet effective strategy for going on the offensive against envy:
1. Pray daily for the person we are tempted to envy. Persistent envy can be overcome with persistent prayer. We will find it is very difficult to go on envying someone for whom we are regularly asking God to bless and prosper.
2. Study and meditate on God’s Word. We should direct our spiritual study to better understand and mortify the sin of envy. Let’s consider verses such as Psalm 73, Proverbs 14:30, Proverbs 23:7, I Corinthians 13, Galatians 5, and 1 Peter 2 and many more. Also, I want to highly recommend one of Jonathan Edwards’s sermons on envy which you can read online here.
3. Eagerly rejoice with and reach out to the one we are tempted to envy. The temptation to withdraw and avoid—in order to spare ourselves pain—is simply selfishness. Therefore, we need to purpose not to withdraw relationally. Isolation in heart and action will only become a hotbed for bitterness and resentment to flourish.
When we put this battle plan into action, do you know what will happen? We will, gradually, over time, weaken the sin of envy in our lives. It won’t happen in one glorious moment or after a couple of tries. But gradually, the sin of envy will lose its power and influence.
So let us not give up, even if the fight is intense. Jonathan Edwards in his famous Resolutions, “Resolved never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.”
Regardless of whether we feel like we are winning the fight against envy. Regardless of how much of a challenge it continues to be, let us never slacken our fight. For it is God “who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 15:57).
Yesterday we contemplated the question: What do we do with a good, yet unfulfilled longing that won’t go away? First, we thank God that by His mercy we desire one of His good gifts.
However, we must also regulate our desires. We must not love or long for one of God’s good gifts more than we love or long for God Himself. If we do, then we have essentially made an idol out of this good desire and we are worshipping it instead of God. As teacher David Powlison paraphrases the eminent John Calvin: “The evil in our desires often lies not in what we want but that we want it too much.”
One sure indicator as to whether or not a good desire has morphed into an idol is how we respond when someone else gets the very thing that we want but don’t have. When a close friend—who was perfectly happy to be single—up and gets married, and we are, literally, left behind. Or when, as is the case for a friend of mine, we know five other girls who are pregnant and we are not.
And what about the woman who gets married younger than us, whose job is more glamorous than ours, whose house is bigger than ours, whose marriage is better than ours, whose life is easier than ours, whose children are more well-behaved than ours, whose popularity is brighter than ours, whose intelligence is greater than ours? Need I go on?
Envy is a sin common to women. But do we always see it for the rancid evil that it is? Several months ago, I found myself envying another woman’s happiness. My husband encouraged me to study the topic of envy, and gave me some material to read. In the course of my study, the following string of thoughts by Cornelius Plantinga hit me straight between the eyes. Buckle your seat belt, for these are hard, yet necessary words.
“What an envier wants is not, first of all, what another has; what an envier wants is for another not to have it…The envier has empty hands and therefore wants to empty the hands of the envied. Envy, moreover, carries overtones of personal resentment; an envier resents not only somebody else’s blessing but also the one who has been blessed” (emphasis mine).
Upon reading those words, I didn’t want to admit that was me, that what I actually wanted was to empty someone else’s hands. But that was the truth of it. A good desire gone bad is often characterized by these wicked motives.
No wonder Scripture commands us to “Put away all…envy!” (1 Pet. 2:1) What wretched women we are! And yet, as Paul exclaims, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Rom 7:25) We who have repented of our sins and put our trust in Christ are no longer bound by the sin of envy. We can receive forgiveness and cleansing and grace to change—grace to truly rejoice with those who have been blessed!
How do we get there? Tomorrow Mom will share a biblical strategy for overcoming envy.
Several of you have kindly asked how I am doing in the midst of all the excitement surrounding Caly’s birth. As long-time readers may remember, I first posted back in August about my struggle with secondary infertility following the birth of our son Jack three years ago. As of today, my husband Steve and I still have not been able to get pregnant. And we still don’t know why.
Yet, in answer to your inquiries—which blessed me very much, I must say—I am doing excellently well! I honestly couldn’t be more thrilled about the birth of my little niece! There are times, I think, when God mercifully spares us from temptations which, given the wretched sinfulness of our hearts, should in fact, be present. This, for me, is one of those grace-flooded times.
For many of you out there, who have yet to see two lines on a pregnancy test, I realize that the posts about Caly’s birth may have felt like someone rubbing sandpaper over a scab. In a word, painful. What do I do with this unfulfilled longing that won’t go away? you wonder.
First of all, stop for a moment and thank God for this desire. Genuinely thank Him for this longing. He’s the one who put it in your heart; and when submitted to His sovereign goodness, it is a holy desire.
Tragically, on this very day, many women will spite this God-given desire and choose to end the life of their unborn baby. Recently, blogger Justin Taylor reported a story out of Scotland where a mother is suing a hospital over an unsuccessful abortion, which one of her twin babies survived. The mother is quoted as saying, “I still don’t know if, or what, I am going to tell Jayde [her surviving daughter] when the time comes. Maybe when she is nine or ten I will sit her down and explain it to her.”
Justin writes, “Try to imagine that conversation. Then weep at the depravity. Then realize that we would act in such a murderous, self-centered way but for the grace of God. May we cling to the cross, and cry out to God for both mercy and justice. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.”
But for the grace of God, we would not be wrestling with an unfulfilled desire for a child. But for the grace of God, each one of us would choose to murder our children, just like this woman. And if this thought shocks us, it’s an indication that, maybe, we have not yet understood the true extent of our depravity.
So thank God for this desire to bear children for His glory. Thank God for any desire you have for one of His good gifts—a joyful marriage or the salvation of family members or godly friendships. For it is only by His mercy we desire anything good at all. This, of course, is not the only answer to what to do with an unfulfilled longing that won’t go away. It’s just the first one. Part two tomorrow.
The opportunity to speak at the College Church women’s retreat this past weekend was a pure delight for me. My soul was strengthened by spending time with this group of women, who are characterized by a robust confidence in God’s Word and genuine desire to grow in holiness. I especially want to thank Ruthie Howard, Cindy Powell, and the other members of the retreat committee for their investment of time and hard work that made this event so successful.
One of the great pleasures of an event like this is the chance to converse with godly women I might never otherwise meet. These are precious memories I take home with me and treasure long after a conference has come to an end.
Of the countless enjoyable conversations I had this past weekend, one sticks in my mind as both poignantly memorable, and, I believe, instructive for all of us as women. It was with Ruthie Howard, one of the organizers of this event. Ruthie is a woman, similar in age and season of life to me. She has three children—with whom she is very close—who have all recently been married. “So, you are experiencing an empty nest,” I remarked to her.
“Yes, I am” she acknowledged. “However,” she continued, “I like to refer to this season, not as an empty nest, but as a second honeymoon. I am so grateful that my husband and I have a strong marriage. I try to encourage young moms to make their marriage a priority because your children will leave one day, and your husband is the person you will spend the rest of your life with.”
Wise words for all of us, from a woman who is reaping the rewards of a lifetime investment in her marriage. Often I meet young women who could benefit from this advice. They are overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood, or simply more engrossed in being their kid’s mom than their husband’s wife. Some have grown apathetic and less than enthusiastic about their marriage relationship. Sadly, I’m not always sure that many young wives stop to consider how their present way of relating to their husband will affect the future happiness of their marriage.
However, sweet rewards can be theirs one day, if they choose to cherish communication and intimacy and friendship with their husband today. They too can have the joyful sparkle I saw in Ruthie’s eye as she contemplates the years ahead with only her husband. Sure, she misses her children desperately, they both do. But instead of a sense of emptiness and loss many women feel, Ruthie is eagerly anticipating this new season with her husband, her best friend.
Although most of you will never meet Ruthie, I hope my encounter with her will stick with you for a long time too. I hope you will give yourself wholeheartedly to your marriage right now, so that one day you can enjoy the harvest of a strong, God-glorifying relationship with your husband. And that even now, you can begin to anticipate a delightful second honeymoon.
Robert Browning’s sentiments, which hang on my bedroom wall, beautifully portray the eager anticipation of a couple growing old, and in love, together. May they inspire us as wives to prize and cherish our husbands today.
“Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith ‘A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!’”
Did you know that we are war? No, I’m not talking about Iraq. I’m talking about the “Mommy Wars”: an ongoing cultural debate over stay-at-home moms. There was another skirmish last week, between those pushing for women to take their place in the workforce, and those who’ve opted to be stay-at-home moms.
On ABC’s Good Morning America, feminist author Linda Hirshman expressed her concern at statistics showing that many women with college degrees were choosing to stay home with their children: “I think it’s a mistake for these highly educated and capable women to make that choice. I’m saying an educated, competent adult’s place is in the office.”
Brazen words. Fighting words. An indication of just how extreme feminism has become. While some feminists have championed the right for women to have a choice about whether or not to work or stay at home, people like Ms. Hirshman are now insisting that women are wrong to choose to stay at home with their children.
How should we as Christian women respond to the latest attack on stay-at-home moms? As usual, Dr. Al Mohler suggests a wise strategy:
“The Christian response…must be a combination of refutation, amazement, and affirmation of motherhood. Hirshman’s article and media appearances can serve to remind us all of the unspeakably high calling of motherhood and to the sacrifices that so many women make, day in and day out, to the raising of children, the nurture of the home, and the shaping of civilization itself.
I respond to Hirshman’s arguments from a highly privileged position—as the son, husband, and son-in-law of women who gave and give themselves to the calling of motherhood without reservation. They, like so many millions of other dedicated mothers, are the ones who demonstrate a wisdom and dedication that goes beyond anything a man can offer in terms of motherly intuition, loving devotion, and management challenges that would daunt the boldest Fortune 500 CEO.
Nevertheless, the best refutation of Hirshman’s awful argument is the happiness experienced by so many mothers and the evidence of motherly love and attention in the lives of their children.
These women are not “letting down the team.” To the contrary, they are holding civilization together where civilization begins—in the home.”
Did you notice what Dr. Mohler said is our best defense—and offense—in the “Mommy Wars”? It is, “the happiness experienced by so many mothers and the evidence of motherly love and attention in the lives of their children” (emphasis mine). It’s happy moms and happy kids!
Most of us won’t be called on to write articles or make TV appearances in response to feminists like Ms. Hirshman. But as foot soldiers in this cultural war, we have a critical role to play. All of us who are children of dedicated mothers should be boldly, shamelessly happy, and we should enthusiastically thank our mothers! And for all of us who are currently raising children at home, we should joyfully set about our noble task. Let’s cheerfully wipe noses and change diapers and drive carpools and counsel little souls. By simple acts of joyful defiance against a rebellious world, we can gain precious ground in the “Mommy Wars.”
CAROLYN: On Friday I departed for the Windy City and a women’s retreat at College Church, home of Kent and Barbara Hughes. What a pleasure to interact again with this godly pastor’s wife who has become a new friend. If you haven’t read her book, Disciplines of a Godly Woman
I was wonderfully cared for by my dear friend Ebeth Dennis, who, together with her husband heads up Crossway Books. Ebeth’s elegant graciousness and passion for the gospel are two reasons I love to spend time with her.
As usual, my friends and family were faithful to pray for me. My sister-in-law Betsy sent me the following Spurgeon quote before I took off. Do you find yourself in need of help today—of any kind? Then read this quote and remember the One who will help you!
“I will help thee, saith the Lord” Isaiah 41:14
“This morning let us hear the Lord Jesus speak to each one of us: ‘I will help thee’. It is but a small thing for Me, thy God, to help thee. Consider what I have done already. What! not help thee? Why, I bought thee with My blood. What! not help thee? I have died for thee; and if I have done the greater, will I not do the less? Help thee! It is the least thing I will ever do for thee; I have done more, and will do more…..If thou hadst need of a thousand times as much help, I would give it thee; thou requirest little compared with what I am ready to give…..O my soul, is not this enough? Dost thou need more strength than the omnipotence of the United Trinity? Dost thou want more wisdom than exists in the Father, more love than displays itself in the Son, or more power than is manifest in the influences of the Spirit? Bring hither thine empty pitcher! Surely this well will fill it. Haste, gather up thy wants, and bring them there—thine emptiness, thy woes, thy needs. Behold, this river of God is full for thy supply; what canst thou desire beside? Go forth, my soul, in this thy might. The Eternal God is thine helper!” Morning and Evening Jan. 16
NICOLE: As Mom headed to Chicago, I moved in with Mike and Janelle. This was a special time for me, a chance to be with my sister and help care for my little niece. As many of you know, Janelle cared for Jack for the first three months of his life, while I was in the hospital and recovering from surgery and infection. Three days didn’t come close to repaying Janelle for three months of midnight feedings. But it was one more way to say “thanks.”
JANELLE: It’s been whirlwind of diapers, pink, intermittent sleep, and cuddles. I’m thoroughly enjoying my little Caly.
KRISTIN: The scary moment of my weekend came when I was standing in line at Sam’s Club and the lights went out. It was pitch dark in that huge warehouse. I called out for Andrew who blessedly was only a few feet away. Fortunately, the lights came back on in 20 seconds, but it felt much longer than that!
Now that you know where we’ve all been, we’ll be back with more GirlTalk later in the day.
It’s a funny coincidence that my sisters and I each gave birth to our firstborn in February. Caly was born on February 20, Jack turned three this February 21, and my son Andrew turned six on February 3. Speaking of Andrew, sometimes I feel like he’s my own personal “Friday Funny.” Here are a few of his latest…
Several months ago I was in the bathroom blow drying my hair. I had told Andrew and Owen to sit on the bed while I got ready for the day. Soon, I heard Andrew telling his little brother: “Owie, you can choose God or Satan.” I knew Owen was probably poised to climb off the bed. A few seconds later my suspicions were confirmed when I heard Andrew declare, “Owie, you are choosing Satan.”
More recently, Andrew went with some friends on a field trip to the police station. The police officer who was giving them a tour was explaining about not drinking and driving. My son, who has a sensitive conscience, felt compelled to confess. He raised his hand and informed the police officer: “my little brother drinks a bottle in the car seat.”
Have a great weekend everyone!
Caly’s Auntie Kristin
on behalf of Mom-Mom, Auntie Colie, and Mommy
I want to personally thank all of you for the love and encouragement that you have showered upon Mike and Janelle—not only this past week, but throughout Janelle’s pregnancy. Mike and Janelle are staying with us for several days, and both catching up on much-needed sleep in between Caly’s feedings. Caly is eating very well, and sleeping a lot, as newborns do. My little granddaughter is truly a gift from God!
A reader, Desiree, sent us the following quote by Elisabeth Prentiss on the birth of one of her children. It beautifully expresses the heart of a mother, and thus, I think it is a fitting way to close out this special week. (But don’t worry, Friday Funnies will be along before the day is through!)
Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in God’s name, I will make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother’s heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, her life-long prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, how wondrously blest!
May God continue to bless all of you mothers who “make a willing sacrifice” of your leisure time to train your children’s souls for God!
To Janelle’s great relief, she and Caly were discharged from the hospital this afternoon. They were delayed an extra hour and a half to test Caly for jaundice (she was looking a tad yellow) but thankfully, it wasn’t serious enough to keep her. So Mike and Janelle brought their little girl home.
As Janelle begins to care for Caly, she will no doubt receive much wise counsel from Mom. She’ll learn how to swaddle Caly (a trick I never got the hang of), what to do when she won’t stop crying, and invaluable tips for putting the little girlie on a schedule. There’s no underestimating the difference practical help from an older woman can make when it comes to caring for a new baby.
But I already know the most helpful piece of mothering advice that Mom will give her. It’s the same advice she gave to Kristin and me. It’s simple enough for even a new mom’s sleep-deprived brain to comprehend. But oddly enough, it’s something I often forget. It’s two words: TRUST GOD.
In an article currently running on Crosswalk.com, Mom elaborates on this bit of mothering wisdom she has sought to teach her daughters:
Faith toward God is the foundation of effective mothering. Did you catch that? Here it is again: Faith toward God is the foundation of effective mothering. Success as a mother doesn’t begin with hard work or sound principles or consistent discipline (as necessary as these are). It begins with God: His character, His faithfulness, His promises, His sovereignty. And as our understanding of these truths increases, so will our faith for mothering. You see, it is relatively easy to implement new practices in parenting. But if our practices (no matter how useful) aren’t motivated by faith, they will be fruitless.
Without faith, it is impossible to please God as a mother. We can diligently apply every tip from every book and still not be effective mothers. More than likely we’ll be frazzled and anxious! Instead, must begin by looking to God—meditating on His character and relying on His promises. Only then will we find all the strength, wisdom, and peace we need to glorify God in our mothering.
