Jan
22
52home
Filed under Biblical Womanhood | 52home
This past Thursday marked one year since my mom went home to her Savior. On the morning of the day she slipped earth’s bonds, my cell phone rang: “She’s fading fast. Come quick.” I drove to my sister’s house and walked into Mom’s room. She opened her eyes and smiled.
She always smiled when she saw me. When I came home from school or play I would open the door and simultaneously call out her name “Mom!” The cheerful response would always come back to me, from some corner of our little house:
“Here. I’m here!”
Mom was the most here person I have ever known. Her happy, contented, comforting presence made me and my siblings want to be around her, to talk to her. In fact, I thought nothing of interrupting her at any time day or night. She never grumbled or told me to go away. I always felt as if she was just waiting for me to come and unload my troubles or tell her some exciting piece of news. No one got more excited over my joys or concerned about my trials than Mom.
This same “here-ness”—the Bible calls it “hospitality”—attracted a menagerie of children and adults to her home and company. She became a grandmother to all the neighborhood children, a confidant to young women and care giver to the elderly. No person, big or little, was ever an interruption. They were her ministry. Her mission field.
I’ve thought a lot about my mom this past year, of course. I’ve realized, more than ever, what a deep and abiding impact she has had on my life. And I’ve wondered at this. What is it about my mom that has so deeply marked my life and soul?
Because what’s so extraordinary about my mom is how un-extraordinary she was. She was an average woman who kept a modest home and made simple meals. She rose early every morning to read her Bible and pray. Then she made breakfast, packed lunches, went to Publix, sorted socks, swept the porch, dusted the ceramic birds, listened to her children. She rejoiced with those who rejoiced and cried with those who cried.
She didn’t need position or recognition or accomplishments to make her happy or give her satisfaction. She simply delighted in her Savior and sought to obey him by being faithful to serve where God had placed her.
She didn’t excel at anything in particular. Except faithfulness.
“Befriend faithfulness” the Psalmist exhorts us (37:3).
That’s what Mom did.
And that is what I long to do. I want to be faithful, like my mom was, for the rest of my ordinary days. I want to seek God each day through prayer and His Word. I want to be “here” for my husband, for my children, for the women in my church and on my street whom God calls me to serve. And when my ordinary race is run I want to hear those words: “Well done, good and faithful servant…Enter into the joy of your master” (Mt. 25:21).
Mom isn’t here anymore. And I miss her more than ever. But she is there. In heaven with her faithful Savior.
And I am quite sure she is smiling.
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Have joy-filled weekend!
Nicole for the girltalkers
We cannot save our children. Which is why, when I see a rebellious teenager of Christian parents, my first thought is not, “Wow, those parents did a really bad job.” For all I know they are better parents than I will ever be.
The truth of God’s power to save, of His exclusive power to save, should be a source of immense comfort and hope to us as mothers. It is not our job to save our children! God has not placed this unbearable burden on our backs. Salvation is God’s and it is His alone. Not only should this flood our souls with comfort, it should fuel them with hope. Our God saves! Our God loves to save! “You have reason for hope as parents who desire to see your children have faith” writes Tedd Tripp:
“The hope is in the power of the gospel. The gospel is suited to the human condition. The gospel is attractive. God has already shown great mercy to your children. He has given them a place of rich privilege. He has placed them in a home where they have heard His truth. They have seen the transforming power of grace in the lives of His people. Your prayer and expectation is that the gospel will overcome their resistance as it has yours.”
But we must also watch ourselves, lest this hope-inducing truth morphs into a subtle “let go and let God” approach to mothering. We cannot save our children, but that doesn’t mean we are free from responsibility. God has called us to a significant task: we are to teach, train, and discipline our children so that they will obey, honor, and walk in the ways of the Lord. This is gospel work. It is hard work. And we must persevere in this work. We must be faithful, despite our failures, despite the apparent lack of fruit in our children’s lives.
And, then, when we have spent our strength doing diaper and discipline duty, we must turn and “leave all with the God of all.” For we are mothers, and only mothers. Servants who have only done our duty. We have planted. We have watered. And God—and God alone—can save. He will give the growth (1 Cor. 3:16).
If you only ever buy, read, and re-read one book on parenting, let it be J.C. Ryle’s Duties of Parents. It is short and sweet—just the right length for tired moms. It is clarifying, provoking, and encouraging. And even though it was written over a century ago, it is as relevant as ever. Here’s a thought or two:
We must not expect all things at once. We must remember what children are, and teach them as they are able to bear. Their minds are like a lump of metal — not to be forged and made useful at once, but only by a succession of little blows. Their understandings are like narrow-necked vessels: we must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or much of it will be spilled and lost. “Line upon line, and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little,” must be our rule. The whetstone does its work slowly, but frequent rubbing will bring the scythe to a fine edge. Truly there is need of patience in training a child, but without it nothing can be done.
Beware of that miserable delusion into which some have fallen, — that parents can do nothing for their children, that you must leave them alone, wait for grace, and sit still. These persons…would like [their children] to die the death of the righteous man, but they do nothing to make them live his life. They desire much, and have nothing. And the devil rejoices to see such reasoning, just as he always does over anything which seems to excuse indolence, or to encourage neglect of means.
I know that you cannot convert your child. I know well that they who are born again are born, not of the will of man, but of God. But I know also that God says expressly, “Train up a child in the way he should go,” and that He never laid a command on man which He would not give man grace to perform. And I know, too, that our duty is not to stand still and dispute, but to go forward and obey. It is just in the going forward that God will meet us. The path of obedience is the way in which He gives the blessing. We have only to do as the servants were commanded at the marriage feast in Cana, to fill the water-pots with water, and we may safely leave it to the Lord to turn that water into wine.
Targeting our children’s hearts is a very important goal in gospel-centered parenting. Ultimately, I want my children to understand that their hearts are sinful and that they need a Savior. I also want to help my children discern the motives of their hearts—why they do what they do.
To this end, my husband and I provide regular instruction about the true state of their souls before a holy God. We also seek to teach them, primarily in more structured family times, about how sin works. Recently my husband, gave them a little Lying 101 lesson over breakfast: “We often lie because we want to look good, make others look bad, or stay out of trouble” he explained.
And in order to shepherd our children’s hearts, we watch them closely. We seek to discover and discern what motivates them, what makes them tick, what are their characteristic temptations and tendencies so we can parent them wisely.
But targeting the heart looks different, depending on the age and maturity each individual child. With our sons, Jack and Jude, who are 9 and 8 respectively, we are just beginning to spend more time talking about their hearts when they disobey or when an opportunity arises.
With our daughters Tori and Sophie (5 and 3) however, I don’t often spend a ton of time dialoguing and discussing their heart in moments of disobedience. Mostly that’s because when a fight breaks out and one of them is involved, there is lots of crying and wailing and I could ask penetrating questions about heart issues, but nobody would hear me.
But I also don’t expect them to always grasp “heart issues” at this young age. After all, as Jeremiah tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” I’m in my thirties and I still don’t always know why I do certain things! I can hardly expect my three-year-old to have it figured out by now.
A good long chat about heart issues may be wise parenting for a teenager or an older child, but what a three-year-old needs is consistent training and discipline. First they need to learn to obey. Heart issues, those will come in time.
So don’t become discouraged if your toddler doesn’t understand why he grabbed the toy or your five-year-old still doesn’t “obey from the heart.” This doesn’t mean you are failing as a mom. As long as you are lovingly and consistently training your little ones to obey and respect parental authority, you are fulfilling God’s commands.
