girltalk Blog

Wow girls…there must be a lot of happy husbands out there! We received so many responses to our request for ideas for doing our husband good that we could spend a few weeks posting and not get to them all. As it is, we’re going to pass on as many as we can in the next five days.

I trust it goes without saying that you have to determine which of these ideas might bless your husband. Getting it wrong might not be so good! But even if we each come away with only a few ideas, I hope they will all inspire us to do our husband as much good as we can, all the days of our lives.

Here are the first seven women with some super ideas:

——————————————————————————————————————————-

I’ve had some big creative plans like scavenger hunts with love notes and special activities…but surprising to me those weren’t the most successful ways of doing good to my husband. I got the best reaction from him with a couple of simple efforts. I can often have a bad attitude when he needs to work late and about his love for sports. One night when he was working late I left him a nice note, a copy of Sports Illustrated, and a big glass of iced tea. When he arrived home and saw these things it meant the world to him!

The other thing that was very successful was I taught our two year old daughter to say, “Thank you for working Daddy!” every time he arrived home. He loved it and she received such great reactions from him she says it all the time.

Heather

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Sometimes when my hubby first gets home from work, I’ll have his favorite snack and a drink sitting by the computer w/ his favorite websites pulled up or I’ll have a bath run for him w/ soft music and a candle going to give him a little time to relax after his hard day!

This is something we both do - the first one to brush their teeth sets the other’s toothbrush w/ paste out. It’s small, but just a nice gesture to show that you are thinking of the other person.

Asking him in the mornings before he leaves, “Is there anything I can do for you today? Is there anything I can pray about for you today?”

These were my husband’s responses when I asked him for some ways I “do him good”:

~ Cooking meals!
~ Being a good steward of our money
~ Practicing frugality by finding good deals at the store

Nicki

——————————————————————————————————————————-

1.) speak well of him to others (both when he is present and when he is not)
2.) pack him a lunch (and include a tasty treat)
3.) tell him regularly that you are happy you married him
4.) tell his mother how wonderfully he treats you
5.) tell your mother how wonderfully he treats you
6.) forgive him in grace, even when he forgets things that are important to you
7.) regularly tell your kids the things you love about him
8.) help your kids write special notes to him, affirming the things they love about him as a dad
9.) take the initiative in love-making and be willing to be spontaneous (a hard thing for tired moms sometimes!)
10.) encourage him to spend time with his guy friends and help make sure it happens regularly (our men sometimes forget how much they need this kind of time).

Melissa

——————————————————————————————————————————-

My husband is blessed when I choose to be content, joyful and thankful regardless of my circumstances. The first thing that came to mind as a way to bless my husband from a distance (he was on a business trip) was to send him an email with the highlights of our day. For him to know that I was doing well and that I wasn’t overwhelmed with caring for three girls by myself really put his mind at ease.

Jen

——————————————————————————————————————————-

I emailed my husband 10 reasons I love, like or respect about him each day, up to 100 reasons. I was a bit worried at the beginning of the project that I would be able to come up with 100 reasons, but it was surprisingly easy, and he liked it so much that I continue to send him reasons every now and again…I think we’re up to 160. He never saves e-mails, but he keeps these in a special folder, and it’s actually good for me as well. Whenever I feel bitterness, frustration, or resentment creeping into my heart toward him, I go back and look at all my lists and remember how blessed I am!

Amy

——————————————————————————————————————————-

I write him a note on his napkin when I pack his lunch—or on his orange or banana.

Make notes or emails fun by writing a poem (romantic or silly!). I have also written sweet (well, hopefully sweet!) poems when I have needed to apologize for something, and my husband has said it’s meant a lot to him.

My hubby says he is able to work better at his job when he knows that we are doing well at home. So sometimes, instead of just saying “we’re fine” I send him a picture on the computer or on his cell phone of our sons happily playing or even of me giving him a big smile. He says he loves to be able to see what we’re doing and feel at home even when he’s away from home. Also, sometimes when my husband is in class at seminary, and I know he is getting tired near the end of the day, I send him a picture on his cell phone of something I just baked in the oven so he knows what’s waiting for him when he gets home. He loves that!

I try to surprise him when he’s not expecting it…like putting a tiny “I love you” note on his fork when I set the table or putting his towel in the dryer while he is showering so it’s all warm when he gets out. When he is typing a paper on his computer and he leaves his computer for a moment, I sneak and type in big letters on his paper I LOVE YOU! or something like that so that when he returns he has a surprise note waiting!

For his birthday last year I left Happy Birthday notes stuck everywhere…on the bathroom mirror, his dresser, his breakfast plate, the steering wheel in the car, his cell phone, etc. He loved it!

This is not very creative, but I know one of the biggest ways I encourage my husband is to have a yummy meal and a big kiss for him when he gets home at the end of the day!

One more idea—I typed up a questionnaire for him and asked him all sorts of questions ranging from “Do you think we have enough variety when it comes to meals?” to “What is the habit you would most like to see me change?” He said that he liked being able to write things out because it helped him think better, and it helped him to articulate his thoughts. He liked it so much that he made one up for me to fill out! It really sparked good conversation and helped us to talk out some things that surfaced as a result of our answers on the questionnaires. (Note: I made my questionnaire look like an official letter and formally addressed it to him in an envelope, wrote a mock set of instructions, etc. It made it fun and helped convey affection—well, at least that’s what my hubby said!)

Christy

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Well, I have personally found doing good to my husband, is to have sex with him. That always cheers him up. The Lord has obviously given this beautiful intimacy (in the context of marriage) for all to enjoy!

Frances

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Google+
• Print
• Email

Thanks to Dawn for this Friday Funnies! May your weekend be “accident” free.

Janelle for the girls

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Google+
• Print
• Email

As wives, we frequently face situations where we are tempted to think harsh and critical thoughts about our husbands. Sometimes we are more inclined to concentrate on what our husbands are doing wrong than what they are doing right. We are more aware of their deficiencies than areas where they excel. But if we submit to these temptations they will only dampen any desire to do them good.

In her book Love Has a Price Tag, Elisabeth Elliot includes some very good counsel from her husband for wives:

“A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”

The apostle Paul understood the influence of people’s thoughts and feelings on their behavior. He exhorted the Philippians in this way: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worth of praise, think about these things” (Phil 4:8).

As we choose to focus on our husbands’ many commendable qualities—to enjoy the “eighty percent”, we’ll be amazed. We’ll grow in our eagerness to encourage, serve and love them—to do them good all our days.

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Google+
• Print
• Email

We’ve considered ways to do our husbands good (with more great ideas sent in by the hour—keep ‘em comin’ ladies!); but we must also pay attention to what hinders us from doing our husband good. In Feminine Appeal I recount a time, early in my marriage, when I discovered a hindrance to loving my husband.

During my courtship with C.J., he had multiple speaking engagements in the local central Florida area. We were both desperate to be together; so as much as possible I would accompany him to these meetings. Before long I began to notice an unusual pattern: Mealtime would come and go, and C.J., preoccupied with ministering to people, would completely forget to eat. What’s more, it didn’t occur to him that I might be hungry! However, I didn’t mind all that much. I so enjoyed his company that I was easily able to ignore my hunger pangs.

Then we got married. We traveled often during our first year of marriage, and, not surprisingly, eating continued to remain a low priority for C.J. But now I began to grow resentful whenever we missed a meal. He’s not thinking about me. He’s more concerned about his ministry than he is about my needs. As these thoughts simmered, the loving feelings I felt for my husband turned to vengeful feelings, and these vengeful feelings led to angry reactions.

Where did all the love go?

The answer is very simple: sin destroyed my tender love, and with it, my desire to do my husband good. C.J. hadn’t changed. He wasn’t behaving any differently than before we were married. He certainly didn’t have evil motives—not that this would have justified my anger. But instead of being patient with him as he learned to care for a wife, instead of being happy to serve him as he cared for others, I began to respond with bitterness and resentment.

If we find that our desire to do our husband good is waning or has subsided altogether, then we do not need to look any further than our own hearts. Where sin is present, our eagerness to serve dissipates. Anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness—all vigorously oppose our desire and efforts to do our husband good.

So if you find a lack of desire to do your husband good today, ask God to reveal what sin may be hindering that desire. He is eager to grant you the gift of repentance and to change your heart toward your husband!

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Google+
• Print
• Email

Chelsea wrote to say that she’s creatively challenged like me and would love more than ten ways to do her husband good. I applaud your eagerness, Chelsea!

So, girltalk readers, we need your help again. .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) (successful) ways you have found to do your husband good and we’ll put the “best of” all in one document for easy reference. Send us your ideas by Friday and we’ll post them on Monday. Hopefully many husbands will be the recipients of much good, and we’ll all have ideas to draw from for many years to come.

And husbands (we know you’re out there!): you can participate too. If there is a way your wife has done you good, we’d love to hear about it and give you a chance to brag on her!

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Google+
• Print
• Email

“She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12

My conversation with the Proverbs 31 Woman—

Me: How often do you do your husband good?
Proverbs 31 Woman: All the days of my life.
Me: Are you kidding? Do you really mean all? That’s impossible! I’ve failed already!

Before we become discouraged by our utter inability to measure up to the Proverbs 31 woman’s standard, we must first remember that the picture here is not one of perfection but of consistency and faithfulness.

All of us have no doubt fallen short many times. There are often days where in one way or another I fail to do good to my husband—whether by sins I commit against him, or opportunities to do him good that I miss or ignore.

But we can grow to resemble more and more this portrait of the Proverbs 31 woman—even after our failures, in spite of our weaknesses and temptations, and in the face of great trials or challenges in our marriage. We can persist in doing our husband good.

How?

To answer this question, we can turn to Psalm 23:6. There, the Psalmist declares the truth of God’s faithfulness to him: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”

Here is not only consistency but perfection: all. Here is not simply good intentions but certain fulfillment: surely. Here we find not only acts of goodness but abundant, overwhelming goodness—because this goodness is from God Himself, come to us through the person and work of Jesus Christ.

I once heard John Piper explain that the word “follow” in this verse could be more accurately translated “pursues.” God, with goodness and mercy in hand, pursues us. He hunts us down, in the midst of our sins, failures, in the midst of the trials and difficulties in our marriage.

He is eager to give us conviction for sin, forgiveness in Christ, a renewed desire to do our husband good, strength to persevere (even in a difficult marriage) and faith to see Him working all things for our good.

So how do we do our husband good? First and foremost remember that God has and is pursuing us with His goodness and mercy all the days of our lives.

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Google+
• Print
• Email

I hope you’ve been brainstorming—and acting—to do your husband good (‘cause remember, you have unique gifts and are called by God to do him good). But, if you are creatively challenged like me, you might need some ideas to get you started.

When we discussed this topic at my church a while back, some ladies got together and came up with a short list of ideas. So here are “10 Ways To Do Your Husband Good.” Monday is a great day to start!

10 Ways to Do Your Husband Good (Proverbs 31:12)

* Write him a love note and place it in his sock drawer.
* Take an entire evening to enjoy his favorite hobby with him.
* Show up at work with a special drink or take him to lunch.
* Encourage him for demonstrating a specific godly trait—in front of friends.
* Arrange a datenight at his favorite restaurant.
* Pray for him today and tell him you are doing so.
* Surprise him with his favorite dessert after dinner.
* Greet him in an extra-special way when he comes home from work.
* Lead the children in a time of honoring him.
* Ask him: “What is one way I can be a better wife?” Then do it!

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Google+
• Print
• Email

Girltalk headquarters (although it’s probably a stretch to call it that) is split between our homes in Montgomery County, MD (Mom, Janelle and Kristin) and Fairfax County, VA (Nicole). Both counties are suburbs of Washington, DC.

Every region has its quirks and peculiarities that only locals are familiar with, and DC is no exception. To help give you an idea of what things are like around here, and to prepare you in case you ever come to visit, here are a few facts you’ll want to know. Although you may decide not to come after reading this week’s Friday Funny.

Nicole for the DC girltalkers

Washington DC Area Explained

For those who plan to visit/move to our area… ?First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is DC or ‘the District’ - only tourists call it Washington. ?Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one: it’s obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it’s already obsolete. In DC, it doesn’t matter. Whatever road you want is probably one-way in the opposite direction from what you want.

All directions start with “The Beltway…” which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop. Locals believe this is somehow clarified by an ‘inner loop’ and ‘outer loop’ designation, but which makes no sense to ANYONE outside the area.

If you get over in the exit or entrance ramps for an interstate in a timely fashion, you are definitely a tourist. You’re supposed to either get over early and cruise down the shoulder at 90mph, or wait until 3” before you pass it, to exit.

The morning rush hour is from 5–11am. The evening rush hour is from 1–8pm. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning,

It is illegal to drive faster than 5mph past an accident or disabled vehicle or policeman writing a ticket. You must stop and stare before you pass any of these. The farther off the road they are, the more you should look. You must not stop and offer help of any kind, however. Also, if you hear a siren, make sure you do not stop or move over; just slow down to 15mph, or stop and park in the middle of the roadway.

Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the nearest grocery store for toilet paper and milk and bread.

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Google+
• Print
• Email

“She does him GOOD, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12

We are to use our gifts to do good to our husband, but we must also do him good in ways that don’t come naturally to us but would be a blessing to him. We must be willing to go beyond what feels comfortable or easy in order to do our husband good.

Maybe we don’t like to cook but our husband really enjoys a gourmet meal. Maybe we aren’t the “organized type,” but our husband prefers everything in its place. For many husbands, romance and physical intimacy top the list. Maybe there are interests or hobbies our husband would like us to do with him that wouldn’t be our first choice.

I, for one, seriously dislike doing laundry. No good reason for this lack of affection, but there it is. But Mike really appreciates it when I am consistent with this chore. (I wonder why? I mean who cares if they run out of clean clothes?) Often I’m tempted to put my personal preferences before the laundry. But when I stop and consider my responsibility to do my husband good by putting his desires before mine, I get a biblical perspective on that pile of dirty clothes, and it makes its way to the laundry room faster.

Now, obviously we all have limitations. We can’t become experts in an area that’s beyond our ability. (Too bad laundry isn’t beyond my ability!) However, we must not allow selfishness to keep us from doing good in ways that our husband desires. We can’t hide behind the excuse that “I’m just not good at this” or “this isn’t how I’m wired.” God is eager to help us grow in serving our husbands.

And we can’t assume that we already know what is “good” to our husband. We need to ask. So here’s some weekend homework: let’s take a few minutes and ask our husbands, “What is one way that I can do you good?” And let’s be prepared for action—even if it’s laundry.

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Google+
• Print
• Email

“She does him GOOD, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12

What’s this “good” we’re supposed to do for our husband look like? The possibilities are endless! But to get us started, a few simple categories might help. First off, we should do him good by using our gifts.

In God’s great sovereignty, he has given each of us specific skills and gifts. And they aren’t just for our own amusement or success. They are reservoirs from which we are to draw good for our husband.

Maybe you are organized or discerning or detailed. You might be good with finances (unlike me!) or skilled in counseling or have a great sense of humor. Your gifts may be in serving or encouragement. Maybe your husband loves the fact that you are an intelligent conversationalist or an empathetic listener. You may be tech-savvy or a gourmet cook or an artist.

Whatever grace God has given you should be used for the good of your husband!

For example, God has blessed me (to a small degree) with a creative eye, which I try to use in my photography and in decorating our home. Mike really appreciates the many family pictures hanging on our walls and also the wacky decorating schemes I come up with—like a traffic light hanging from my living room ceiling! Your husband might not appreciate this so much, but I bet he does want the gifts you have to offer.

In the movie, Chariots of Fire, the character playing Eric Liddell makes that famous statement: “When I run I feel His [God’s] pleasure.” When we use the gifts God has given us for the good of our husbands we can be a blessing to them, and we can also know the pleasure of God.

So are you getting excited about all the good you can do your husband with the gifts God has given you? I hope so. What’s one way you can do him good with your gifts today?

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Google+
• Print
• Email